Guest Spot-The Relationship Inner Voice
Love. Where to start? Finding friendship, compatibility, quiet understanding, mutual confidence and forgiveness is a good beginning.
As a child growing up in the 60s my mother always depended on the man of the house to bring home the bacon as they say. My journey has taught me that women should always make an opportunity to bring their own bacon home. As I like to say “make your cake, put the icing on it and bring it to the table. If you meet that special someone deserving of you along your journey that can put a cherry on top, and meet you at the table, that’s fantastic!”.
Now, back to LOVE. After you kissed your fair share of frogs, and have not been successful in finding that special individual, when you finally encounter someone genuine that does have character traits you are seeking it is very breathtaking. And, it’s extra sweet when the overall quality of your life improves at the same time. At age 40, my life was good and self-sustaining in many ways, but I felt there was something missing that I really was longing for to complete my life, or so I thought because this was my understanding of life and happiness.
At age 45 I did meet that special someone, but I didn’t know it at the time. As my story goes we exchanged pleasantries, the timing wasn’t right for either of us so we lost touch. About six years later destiny stepped in. I stumbled across his contact information and reached out to him. He immediately responded and we reconnected. My life brightened, and as I look back I really started cultivating and growing my own tools that I buried internally. Tools that had been laying dormant from the moment I took my first breath on earth.
Getting to know this special someone/ love was interesting, fun, and challenging all at the same time! Some might even say I was living somewhat of a princess life style, but when I searched my heart, was it really the life I truly desired? I started to question myself about five years into the relationship. As my special love began changing our time together to fit his needs and our quality time became less and less. He continued to take on more business activities and I became less of a priority, except when it came to his sexual desires. There were times when he became verbally abusive when things didn’t go to his liking. He always wanted undivided attention from me but wasn’t willing to give it in return. Although he was very monetarily generous, no amount of money could ever buy my peace and happiness. We seek and learn this on our journey, often at a very high price for oneself. I came to realize that to keep the relationship I would need to give a never ending amount of fuel. After 9 years I found my tank empty, very few compromises by my love and lacking a commitment to “us”.
I knew it was over, as nearly everything about what he did or said started to irritate me. It’s easy to stay in the relationship, it’s much harder to decide to leave the relationship. Your heart will be in a very hard place, but you must face the reality that the intersection of the two of you no longer exists and only separate roads will carry you on your own respective journeys.
As I reflect and share a little wisdom remember to not let anyone or anything define you, steal your joy, or your happiness. You are so imperfectly perfect. Your life book has infinite pages and it is your story to write! Our deepest fear is not that we are in adequate, our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
Trust the Inner Voice. We have to accept people for who they are and meet them where they are even if this means being without what you think you need. Love is the friendship that has caught fire. There’s a lot of give-and-take to keep the flames going, and without a solid foundation there will be many challenges. Know your worth, develop and continuously work to improve your inner self/inner relationship as this will bring you strength and courage. Make your mind your friend, as the mind is like an instrument, DO NOT LET IT PLAY YOU!
RR
When I started Alimonia Life I was unsure of the direction, I just knew that I wanted to
create a safe space for anyone who found themselves on the road to divorce.
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