DECISIONS

Throughout a marriage you will have the good and the bad. There will be beautiful days and days that take you to the edge of your sanity. That is how a relationship goes with it’s ebb and flow. Many times you will ask yourself if this is for you or not. Many people are standing on the edge and they want to know what is the right direction to take. Do you stay or do you go? I had been there more times than I wanted to recount. It is an unpleasant place to be but if you arrived here then you have to do something.

Should you find yourself at this point, know that you are the only person who can make that decision. Most of your family and friends are on your side which will make them biased. Although they can give you their opinion you should be cautious about following their advice wholeheartedly. Whatever you decide, you are the one that will have to live that out. So make sure that you listen to what is in your heart and mind. This is a very serious decision that will effect every area of your life.

If your decision is to stay you have your work cut out for you. You clearly have a list of issues that have plagued your relationship. You’re going to have to find the courage to address them with your spouse. That is when the real work will have to begin. Together you can tackle the problems that have you divided. You will probably need counseling since you haven’t been able to solve the issues on your own. You already know that the situation can not continue like this. United you can lay the groundwork for a new foundation. That would be the best case scenario. 

For some, you have just made the decision to separate or divorce. I want you to know that you are brave. It takes great courage and strength to stand up for yourself. I know that it hurts. It’s a pain that no one can comprehend unless they have been there. Each situation is unique because the circumstances are all different. Please be kind to yourself. Surround yourself with people who will support you and build you up. You will get to the other side and thrive.

In my case we had exhausted every opportunity. For me it came down to a simple question. What is it going to take for me to be happy again? My happiness had been gone for some time. My biggest mistake was that I thought I could manufacture my happiness. I could just do this and everything would be great again. No. I started music lessons. I did some awesome things with my friends or by myself. I tackled some home projects that had been on hold. Whatever I thought would bring me happiness I jumped straight into it. The happiness was temporary. I did not get the results I hoped for. I had to come to the end of this nonsense. 

I was attempting to fill the void with things that could not provide sustainable happiness. It was simply because it was difficult for me to admit to myself that my marriage had died. I had tried to resuscitate it through counseling but it was time for me to move on. That decision took a few years to arrive at. It was quite challenging for me to align myself with reality. The marriage was over. Once I began to understand what I needed to do for me, I felt so liberated. 

I freed myself from the stigma that society likes to place on the divorced. I freed myself from the judgement of people who did not live in my home. I had to release those labels and fears. I embraced what my new life could look like. That was only possible because I had an expectation of great things happening for me. Ultimately this was my decision. Some days are tough and I have to fight my way through. Periodically I ask myself if I still believe that I have made the right decision. The answer is always “ Yes!”. I would fight for me over and over again. 

Ali M

When I started Alimonia Life I was unsure of the direction, I just knew that I wanted to
create a safe space for anyone who found themselves on the road to divorce.
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