My Divorce Made Me Strong
My name is Hamza, and I am about to share my divorce story for the first time.
Unlike western countries, the marriage rituals in Pakistan are quite complicated. In the case of arranged marriages, both families have to follow certain very costly traditions and compete in the race of showing wealth; both end up wasting a lot of hard-earned money on a two-day function. Well, we call it marriage!
Since we live in a male-dominated society, we seldom hear that men are forced into marriages. I was a victim this time. Back in 2018, I was pressured by my family to accept Ramsha as my life partner. At that time, I was 26 and totally reluctant to marry the girl chosen to be my spouse.
I knew that 26 was the perfect age to marry, but the only problem was, I was financially unstable. Two of my elder brothers were happily married, running their businesses, but I was the one struggling to find a good source of income.
Now you must be thinking why I immediately refused to marry Ramsha and why I was forced to marry her? Remember I discussed the tyrannic marriage conventions observed in the traditional joint family system like mine?
I know it's time to say it. I liked someone else and wanted to spend the rest of my life in her arms. That very special HER was Noeen. The love of my life. I begged my family, but they simply didn't like Noeen to be in my life. Just because she was my choice, they considered it a childish decision to be involved in a LOVE marriage.
Just because my elder sister was tied up for five years with Ramsha's maternal uncle, I was pressed hard to marry her and comply with the GIVE & TAKE (stupid) ritual that South Asian families have been commemorating for centuries.
I pinpointed several unacceptable behavioral issues with Ramsha. How self-centered, lavish, and self praiser was she, but no one paid heed to my words. I tried hard to escape but ended in vain.
Long story short, we both got married on 4th August 2018. Everyone was happy except my bride and me. Surprisingly, she was also forced into this oppression. After that day, for the next two months, I tried hard to keep things normal. We traveled to Northern Pakistan, watched movies together, had meals in the finest restaurants available in Lahore (my city), but nothing worked... Our bodies were present, but the hearts were not. I thought it was another bad patch of my life and hoped that it would pass soon.
Guess what? My wife, Ramsha, started complaining to the elders that I was not financially supportive or I mismatched her spendthrift lifestyle. I was shocked that she never said anything like this to my face but roared whenever she met her friends or family members.
It was painful for me to digest something that was not true. I talked to her, but she was not guilty at all. It was that moment when I discovered that she loved money more than me. I accepted her to be my woman, but she had other plans as well.
She blamed me, shamed me, and misbehaved several times just because I did not have enough money at that time. Our conflicts grew, and one day we both signed the DIVORCE papers.
It was me who brought those papers and initiated the separation process, but only because my ex-wife (Ramsha) internally wanted me to do so... Yes, she wanted to get rid of me... She started hating me for being a middle-class guy.
That was the time when my family accepted that I was rightfully rejecting her before marriage. Luckily, we didn't get into a sexual relationship; otherwise, the situation would have been worse.
I divorced my wife five months after the marriage. The next few months were very hard for me. Society considered me as a coward. People gazed at me as if I had committed a sin by divorcing a greedy wife who herself disliked me. My financial status went further below... I remember only a few old friends supported me. It was dark everywhere, and I went from hopeless to almost dead inside.
I started cursing myself and gave up searching for work. Luckily, I came upon a job post for a biography writer. I applied and got selected. Thanks to my graduation degree, although unfamiliar, I knew the art of writing. That was the turning point of my life. The readers highly appreciated my work, and I earned respect in the literary circles. To my good luck, this further motivated me to write for different magazines, blogs, and newspapers.
With the lapse of time, I started my content writing agency. Today, in 2021, I have a small team of 12 and have 1000s of satisfied clients worldwide. I am minting gold coins with every passing hour. And I am pleased with my life. I got my family back, and I married Noeen, the love of my life, who kept supporting me through every thick and thin. Yes, she was the biggest support who served as a ray of hope whenever I felt down.
My first marriage was a failure, but it taught me a life lesson. I just wonder how Ramsha will feel if, one day, she gets a chance to know who I am today and where I am today...
Hamza Aslam
When I started Alimonia Life I was unsure of the direction, I just knew that I wanted to
create a safe space for anyone who found themselves on the road to divorce.
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