IT MUST WORK

Comparison will rob you of your self-worth. It will make you feel comfortable with whatever comes your way. Clara got to the point of her life where more than half of her friends were married, engaged or in a serious relationship. She found herself constantly making comparisons and it made her feel terrible especially when she was invited to events.

Finally, she met her husband and they got married after a few months of dating. Everything was going well until he lost his job. It was a heavy blow for him. She tried to comfort him but he just wallowed in his sorrows.

She happily took responsibility for the financial obligations. Soon, he asked for her credit card and although she felt uncomfortable about it, she gave in. She felt her friends had happy marriages because they made sacrifices for their husbands to their detriment. He started giving her money when she needed it but she never complained.

Slowly, he squandered her savings and when she cautioned him about his spending, he attacked her. That caused her to have a miscarriage. Clara felt scared to confide in anyone. She knew most people would advise her to get divorced. Getting married was a problem in the first place, she didn’t want to divorce her husband and be labeled a divorcee. Her friends had been married for two, three, five, eight and more years. She didn’t want to be the different one.

At the hospital, her husband had told the doctor she fell, so she said the same thing to everyone. Whenever her friends visited, he would watch over her because he was afraid she would confide in them. Everyone thought he was a doting husband but that was far from the truth.

One morning, Clara’s husband informed her of a job interview in the next state. She was happy for him. However, after he left, she couldn’t contact him. Afraid, she took a leave from work and drove about three hours to see him. She thought it would be a great opportunity for them to rekindle their relationship. When she got there, she discovered he was on vacation with another woman. He told her he was no longer interested in the marriage and his lawyer would send her the divorce papers.

It was that word she was scared to hear but she eventually did. He had taken off his wedding ring already. She held the divorce papers for two months plus and was reluctant to sign them. She kept begging him to love her again and make things work. During that period she realized her desperation for marriage had clouded her thinking. She deserved better. Once she discovered that she had wallowed in the shell of “others are doing better than me” and “the what will people say” she resolutely signed the papers.

Soon, she discovered her husband was never fired from his job and that he had resigned. It was his plan to leech on her. She took legal action against him. Clara’s experience shows that comparison is an armed robber because it will kill your joy.

Nobody is better than you, because nobody is you. Never wallow in the shell of “what will people say.” At the end of the day, you will be the only one suffering in silence. You deserve better. Live life at your pace and terms, nobody’s life should be a yardstick to measure how well you are doing or your life is going. Your happiness is paramount. Never trade it for anything or anyone.

Grace Nora

When I started Alimonia Life I was unsure of the direction, I just knew that I wanted to
create a safe space for anyone who found themselves on the road to divorce.
Join our network, get the support you need.