At This Point

In my life I have worn many hats. I have been wife, mother, business owner, friend, dancer, coordinator and the list goes on. Unfortunately we place a lot of value on the titles and roles that we hold. As you are going through your divorce you do not have a clue as to how your new title will suit you. Divorcée. It is a title that you aren’t quite sure how to wear. Society has made that word like a scar. It doesn’t have to be a life sentence. 

I’m determined to see this as a reset and I want to have a whole different mindset. No longer captive but living life with the freedom to make choices. This warrior has fought the war and come out victorious. I have me, myself again.  My goal was to leave the marriage. Check. Secure a home for the kids and myself. Check. Establish a good co-parenting plan. Check. Feel better about myself. Check. Of course the divorce weight loss helps in that area. Keep the weight off. Check. 

What I’m most proud of is how I have become so protective of my peace. I know what I want and if anything challenges that, I am learning that I can make a shift. When you have lived in a war zone, peace becomes your sanctuary. That means that you may have to walk away from some relationships or put them on hold for a while. People can do harm without even being aware of it. At this time you may find yourself hypersensitive. That is very normal and you will get to a place of balance at some point. Do not apologize for practicing self preservation. 

What I find most challenging are the triggers that show up and knock me off balance. The comments that the kids make because they are still dealing with their own pain. We can work through that with patience and love. Love for the kids and myself. The anniversary date that arrives and once again I am pulled into thought. Then I realized that I am grateful I didn’t have to “celebrate” that day. Once again I would have gone through the motions. Instead I kept myself busy celebrating my liberation. By facing triggers head on you can minimize the impact. You will still have to work through it but you can teach yourself how to navigate them from the onset. 

I am finding my way and pushing myself to think differently about labels and norms. They are too restrictive for the life I am trying to live. So if I want to continue to achieve my goals there will be things that I will have to say goodbye to. Because saying goodbye allows me to be open for the new possibilities. 

Ali M

When I started Alimonia Life I was unsure of the direction, I just knew that I wanted to
create a safe space for anyone who found themselves on the road to divorce.
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