Divorced: What Did I Learn?

Your marriage is done. You didn't see it coming. These are just some things that often run through our minds when one's partner no longer wants to be in a relationship. You're left with more questions than answers and a whole list of unfilled promises to keep you occupied for a lifetime.

My four-year marriage took me across China, Malaysia and Ukraine, but at the end of it all we were two different people; a rural man that was married to an urban woman; a family man who was married to a career woman.

So what happened?

Without going through everything with a fine-tooth comb, it all comes down to what the foundation of the marriage was based upon. Looks, wealth and the veneer of 'love,' are all temporal concepts. Once the conversations have run dry, or the wrinkles become more noticeable, you ask yourself why did I commit myself to this person? That very foundation is crucial to a long and fulfilling relationship.

Being Blinded

We often convince ourselves that our other half brings out the best in us. Well, while that may be true to some extent, being comfortable with one's skin is crucial. After all, if you cannot be happy with yourself, then why would you expect others to do so. Don't change yourself for someone. Rather, be someone that the other person sees themselves as spending time with.

Take your time

Time is of the essence, but in a world where we pride ourselves on immediate gratification, its importance is often lost or underplayed. Take the time to get to know each other, learn your respective habits. What makes each of you tick; perhaps move in together for a while. Most important of all, imagine whether you could put up with that person at their worst. Marriage is a lifetime commitment, ‘till death do us part’.

Talk

Long and drawn out silences never solve a problem. They only go on to prolong and exacerbate problems which are beneath the surface. It seems obvious, but this simple concept is thrown out of the window as 'work and money' often get in the way. Yet, talking it out can save you from further pain down the road.

Hasib Afzal

When I started Alimonia Life I was unsure of the direction, I just knew that I wanted to
create a safe space for anyone who found themselves on the road to divorce.
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