Be Open To Support

It can be easy to cloister up when we experience the shock of separation and divorce. We may feel the need for so much control that no one can know that we are not alright or that we can’t accept the support that we need. At the very least it could make this not-so-fun roller coaster ride more bearable. Here are some ways to be open to the love and support of the people around us:

Talk about it as much or as little as you want

Your friends and family want to be there for you. Most times they want to hear what’s on your mind. If you are willing to talk, the people that love you want to know what you feeling. On the other side of this, if you aren’t ready to chat about it, don’t let anyone pressure you to speak until you are ready. This is your decision.

Try to attend events you’re invited to

The people who continually ask you to hang out want to see you and support you. It’s healthy to stay social and avoid being isolated with every “what next” and “what if “ and just the heartbreak in general. As always, don’t push yourself. I’m just saying, if you have it in you then you should show up. Its good to get out and interact with others.

Allow yourself to soak up their reassurance

Sometimes we can get so wrapped up in what we think others perceive of us as we lose track of reality. Your support circle will have many kind words and good thoughts for you. Soak them in. Take them to heart. Let those good thoughts and intentions hold you longer than their arms do when you hug goodbye.

Ask for the help you need

Those who are there for you now are going to have their antennas up for how they can assist and really get behind you. They can’t read your mind and won’t force you to accept their help. You must ask. Need a night away? Ask if you can spend the night. Need to have the kids picked up from school one afternoon? Ask. 

Don’t let your pride say “I’m fine” all the time

Allowing yourself to “not be okay” when you are in fact, not okay, frees you up to handle your emotions. It lets the people who love you come in to lift you up. They want to gather around to help you. I’m not saying you should just throw temper tantrums, but if you’re sad, you can say so in the safety of love ones. 

Accept that you are in a compromising position

Life gives us those lemons sometimes and it’s up to us to deal with the crumby hand we are given. We get knocked down. We are not infallible. We all know. When we accept that we are in one of those lemony life-gets-you-down situations, like a divorce, it’s a little easier to accept the help we need and accept that we need help in the first place!

We are not meant to be islands and we can’t function in a vacuum. The same village that raises the child gathers around the sick and the impoverished. Community is meant to build each other up. You probably have done this for others. The system truly works if you accept your fair share of help too.

KW

When I started Alimonia Life I was unsure of the direction, I just knew that I wanted to
create a safe space for anyone who found themselves on the road to divorce.
Join our network, get the support you need.