The Paperwork Is Ready
Nothing can prepare you for when you get word that the final paperwork is ready. It will bring up a host of emotions and you will need to take some time for yourself. I had been on this trek for one and a half years. A lot of my effort went into reaching this point but I had not given any thought as to how it might affect me. Given the fact that I initiated the divorce I was under the impression that I would feel accomplished and happy. Though there was a feeling of accomplishment because there was a ton of moving pieces, I hit a wall of emotions. I cried.
The first thing that hit me was a sense of guilt and failure. This had been a reoccurring theme. Be cautious of emotions that show up to paralyze you and take you out. I had to speak the truth against those negative thoughts. Knowing that I had given my all to the marriage I learned to disarm those thoughts. Loneliness is another trap that waits for you. For so much of my life I had been part of this growing unit. This is when you must dig deep to reaffirm yourself, know that you are loved and lean on those who truly are in your corner. I made this choice because I love myself. Every possible emotion from this divorce converged on me. I found myself in a fight-or-flight situation.
Sadness for the loss is normal but try not to stay there too long because it can be debilitating. You will feel angry because something that you built is being torn down. Abandoned buildings must be demolished. The feeling of frustration will come from being pushed to your limit. That day I felt broken. I did not run. Brokenness became my portal to healing. I allowed myself to experience those feelings and work through them on one by one. I journaled about it because I knew that this was a very important part of my healing. I was in an actual fight or flight situation.
I spoke with a close friend who has been there so she gave me some great advice. She said that I should not let anyone tell me to just get over it. I had been told things like “ I can’t wait until you get those divorce papers” as if that was going to make everything better. Another comment that hurt the most was “ Isn’t that what you wanted!” which came off sounding like “You asked for this”. Be very careful who you are vulnerable with at this time while you’re exposed. People who have not been there do not understand that their words can slice straight through you.
I survived this tough period by giving myself permission to experience the emotions that showed up. Some of them were valid and some were not. Taking the time to work through it gave me the chance to decipher what was real. I could not hide from this part of the journey. Being present in my process allowed me to transform my pain into practical knowledge for healing. Eventually those feelings will resurface and I will be ready. My healing will be ongoing.
Ali M
When I started Alimonia Life I was unsure of the direction, I just knew that I wanted to
create a safe space for anyone who found themselves on the road to divorce.
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