How My Cultural Background Shaped My Divorce Experience

Divorce is never just about two people. I quickly realized that my South Asian background played a massive role in how the entire process unfolded.

The Stigma and Family Pressure

From the moment my ex-wife and I decided to separate, I knew my family wouldn’t take it lightly. In my culture, marriage is seen as a lifelong commitment, and divorce is often viewed as a failure rather than a fresh start. My parents, who have been married for over forty years, couldn’t understand why we couldn’t just “work it out.”

Expectations

Another challenge was the cultural expectation of masculinity. As a man, I was expected to be the provider, the one who holds everything together. Admitting that my marriage had failed felt like admitting weakness. I had been raised with the belief that men don’t show vulnerability, that we solve problems rather than walk away from them. This mindset made it incredibly difficult to open up.

The Legal and Social Differences

Even the legal side of divorce was influenced by my cultural background. In many Western countries, divorce is relatively straightforward, but in my community, religious and traditional customs played a role. This added a layer of complexity that most of my Western-born friends didn’t have to deal with when they divorced.

Finding a New Identity

One of the biggest struggles was figuring out who I was outside of my marriage. In my culture, being married is often tied to status and respectability. Now that I was divorced, I felt like an outsider. I had to learn how to navigate life as a single man in a society that often equates singleness with immaturity or irresponsibility.

I started looking for spaces where I wouldn’t feel out of place. I found support in other divorced men from similar backgrounds, who understood the unique cultural pressures I was facing. We shared stories, laughed about the absurdities, and supported each other as we rebuilt our lives.

Divorce is hard, no matter where you come from. But when culture adds another layer of difficulty, it can feel almost impossible. The key, I’ve learned, is to find your own path—one that respects your roots but doesn’t trap you in them.

Hasib Afzal