Divorced and Challenged

For two years I had a good relationship with my ex as we co-parented our kids. We had a great system that worked well for everyone. We stepped in when one of us had a schedule change. We even did airport pickups and drop offs for each other. It was going so smoothly that it seemed unbelievable. Lately something has shifted.

The last few months have been nothing but stressful. It appears as if he woke up one morning angry about everything. What was once easy has now become very difficult. Recently he has been taking trips, throwing the responsibility of the kids and dog on me during his time with them knowing I have to work. When I ask him to split the cost of care(which I feel is more than fair) he refuses. The cost of his schedule changes have been adding up. He seems to take pleasure in disrupting my life

My mind goes back to how he kept voicing concerns about me be able to make it on my own. Well, I’m doing just fine. Ok so maybe better than fine. I’m great. Perhaps that is part of the problem. What he wished for me has not happened. I am happier than I have been in a very long time. After all the work I have done to get here, I’m not going to hand over my happiness to him again.

Therapy has been a huge help for me in this new phase. I am learning new ways to respond to him. I am going to have to set new boundaries and stick to them. I am assembling a network to help me with the kids when I have schedule changes. I don’t want to be indebted to him for helping me. His help comes with penalties as he keeps score. I will no longer be responsible to cover his schedule changes on my work days. I know that this is going to cause more friction but it is necessary going forward.

With divorce, something new seems to be popping up all the time. All you can ever do is work on yourself. Become a better version of you so that when challenges arise you can navigate them with clarity. It is possible but it definitely takes some work. I’m up for the challenge and the rewards.

Regina H