Before and After Divorce
As you can see in the photo taken eleven years ago, I was unhappy. I look at old photos of myself during my marriage and I can’t believe the amount of sadness that I carried. I don’t even recognize that person. Thankfully I found the courage to shed that version of myself. It takes some work to get beyond it.
Divorce gives you the opportunity to reroute your path. It’s obvious that I was unhappy with the course of my life. Although it was a tremendous effort to choose myself, I cannot express to you how rewarding it has been. All of the hard work has been paying off with continuous rewards. It’s very difficult to see the other side when you are in the thick of the process.
Life gets better with simple decisions and actions. I always wanted a king bed. It seems like such a simple desire. When I sat down to order furniture for my new place, my first purchase was a king bed. I was so excited when it arrived. Because my mattress would not be delivered for a while, I placed a queen air mattress on the bed frame. As you can imagine, it looked so silly but it made me happy. I was so elated when the king mattress eventually arrived. There I was, petite sized me, smiling like a child in my king bed fit for a queen.
I love to explore my city, finding new shops and restaurants. It’s so nice to get to know the people who run these incredible establishments. I like to take friends to these great spots that I have discovered on my quests. There’s a cute little restaurant that has amazing food. Above the restaurant is a rooftop bar with ocean views. I have no problem going down there by myself and taking it all in.
I have traveled more in the last four years than ever in my life. I’ve been to some awesome destinations. However, when I just need a quick getaway I will do a staycation. There a few reasonably priced hotels near the ocean that I slip away to. The prices are about half the cost of the larger hotels in the area. I wake up early and go for a walk along the water. My days tend to be free flowing. It’s so relaxing and peaceful.
As a young kid I went rollerskating with my family and then with friends as a teen. I picked it up again in my late twenties and bought my own skates which I still have. They look like the first pair ever made. Over the years I would dust them off and go skating. A couples years ago I got some new skates and I’ve been going skating by myself or with my kids. It’s a rare moment that I get to impress my kids. I get to do something that brings me joy and it’s also great exercise.
Most of my friends are just as busy as I am. It’s hard to get together. Periodically, I pick a restaurant for brunch and send out an invitation. Whoever is available shows up and we have so much fun. I love when my friends bring someone new. We get to broaden our circle. Connecting with your tribe is so important.
I have learned to pull away when I am overloaded. My life can be hectic but I am being intentional by scheduling downtime. What does that look like for me? It could be sitting on my sofa and listening to instrumental music. Sometimes it’s a late night run to the jacuzzi. Other times it’s deep breathing exercises that I learned at a conference. One night I was deep breathing and fell asleep.
Divorce provided the opportunity for me to make slight adjustments to my life. It is those simple changes that have brought me great happiness. All I have to do is ask myself what would make me happy and then then take steps to improve my life. It doesn’t have to be difficult. You just have to prioritize your wellbeing and be consistent. It’s pretty evident that I’m doing much better.
Regina H