A Better Place

Divorced. That is a word that I never thought would apply to me. I always believed that I had married for life. That was the mindset that kept me trapped for years. I never wanted to go through the war and certainly not the aftermath. Yet I found myself suited up for battle. 

Since I was the one who filed(2 years ago) I had already gone through the mental anguish and now he would have to catch up. Even though I had been very patient over the years, I now had to stand strong in my decision. When I couldn’t be persuaded to stay, the ugly bitterness that he directed toward me was harsh. Suddenly I was the most selfish person he had ever met. I decided that I would not engage him when he went off the rails. Two wrongs never make a right. We had kids to raise and that is where I placed my focus. 

It’s really hard to fight with someone when they won’t strike back. I started to feel sorry for someone who would resort to anger and bitterness rather than to take ownership of their mistakes. I also knew that by jumping in with him, everything would fall apart. I just wanted us to get to a place where we could focus on our kids. I was willing to stand in the gap to build a bridge. I did that over and over again.

Fast forward to today and we are 9 months divorced. We have settled into a good place. Our oldest received a few college scholarships and we needed to check out the schools. As a family we planned a trip to explore these opportunities. He agreed to pay for a majority of the trip. We presented a united front in support of our child(adult now). I am so proud of us for doing what was right. By making the children our top priority we have remained a loving and supportive family. One night he admitted that I was the brave one because he said he never would have filed for divorce. 

No matter what it looks like today you can always work for a better tomorrow. It will not be easy. However if both of you are committed to doing what is in the best interest of everyone you can reach a place of peace. That is where your family can heal, thrive and move on. 

Regina H