Friendships Lost and Deeper Connections Found

Divorce shakes up your relationships. It’s as if a tornado touched down on your life and clears the path. When it’s all said and done you have to see what can be salvaged. It will never be the same. However, there is a bright side to the changes. Just know that It will take time to get through it all.

There are people who will choose your ex. There is absolutely nothing you can do about that. Everyone makes decisions that they deem best for their lives. We have done it to others in the past but when it happens to us, it stings. With that being said we have to make peace with their choice. It hurts and it feels like rejection in the least opportune moment but you will survive. There was a period of your life before you knew them and you were just fine. I pretty much knew how the friends would split down the divorce line. Typically, it’s who they were closer to prior to the split.

There will be people who choose you. They will stick by your side as you go through this tough time. You will need all hands on deck. Be thankful for their support. They will become like family to you. I was so grateful for my friends that hung in there with me. Those phone calls, cards and visits were so appreciated. I love them immensely and I’m working to maintain those relationships.

Some people will treat the whole situation like an infectious disease. They are afraid that they will catch what you have. They don’t know what to say to you and it gets very awkward. That is their choice too. It would be nice to have their support but you just have to move on. They are not cut out to deal with what you are going through and you have to release them in peace.

Beware of people who claim to be there for you but let you down. They say and do hurtful things because deep down they are wounded and lack empathy. What it really reveals is that they were never in your corner to start. Please protect yourself from these toxic people. I opened the door and let them go. I did not need their negativity. It hurt terribly but I had to protect myself during this vulnerable time.

One of the most beautiful things is that you start meeting people that you connect with on a deeper level. Maybe it’s because you are operating in clarity. Free from a stressful life, you are open to developing stronger bonds. New people began to arrive and I learned so much about myself within this new life. I became aware that I no longer wanted superficial ties.

I valued connections that had nothing to do with my old life. Because I was in survival mode for some time, I forgot how to consider someone else. I’ve learned how to be present for my friends . Just this week I received a thank you card from a friend. I hadn’t heard from her in a while, and reached out to her to discover that she was having a difficult time. I picked her up and took her to dinner. A few years ago I never would have noticed her silence.

Your old life has to shift to make room for the next phase. Now you are available for more meaningful relationships. Will you be present? The path had to be cleared of all the old mindsets and unhealthy relationships. That makes space for an era of connections that blends the best of the old with the excitement of the new. All the best to you on your journey!

Regina H