Divorce: It’s Been Three Years

June of 2021 I got an email from my attorney. I wasn’t really sure what this document was so I texted him to inquire about it. He replied that it was what we’ve been waiting for. Then he simply said “It’s done”.  I went through every possible emotion in a matter of five minutes.

Fast forward to today and I have grown in so many ways. I remember being fierce and frightened at the same time. I felt strong because I had just survived a year and a half of intense living. It was a period of tearing down an old structure for the purpose of erecting something new. Demolition is a messy process. When the dust settles, there is hope for what is to come.

Getting to know myself was and is one of the best gifts I could have given myself. When you go through a divorce, you feel stripped of your identity. Thanks to Covid, I had plenty of time to myself and I took advantage of the opportunity. I realized that who I was no longer existed. The new me who was emerging was yet to be developed. I was a blank canvas. I no longer wanted to play the acoustic guitar. It was something I did in order to manufacture happiness. It’s sitting in my room as a reminder of a painful era. I can let it go now.

There were friends and family who could not transfer over to my new life in the same capacity. The confines of the relationships had become too restrictive. I will always love them and wish them well. I only want connections that produce growth on both sides. We have to build each other up or we are wasting our time. This makes room for relationships that are complementary to the new you.

Freeing yourself from a dead end marriage will give you the freedom to pursue your passions. When you are locked in survival mode, sometimes breathing is a challenge. You get the opportunity to search yourself to discover old and new endeavors. You will only have to discuss it with yourself to see if you should go for it. That is truly beautiful and empowering. What will it be?

One day my compassion made a comeback. It wasn’t that it left me but it definitely took a break. It was as if I had a whole new perspective, given my journey. I see things differently. I can have an understanding for others out of the compassion that I grant to myself. You can be compassionate when you stop putting expectations on others that not even you can deliver.

Three years in and I’m happy. I’m working on being whole as that will be an ongoing project. There is very little that I’m afraid to take on, as I have been through one of the biggest training camps. I’m not worried about failing because that is where I have learned the best lessons. Letting go of unrealistic expectations for myself and others is liberating. I am so hopeful. If the last three years has been an indication of the future, I’m excited.

Regina H