Divorce Confession

Since the beginning of Alimonia Life I have attempted to be as transparent as possible. Sometimes the weight of sharing my challenges has been heavy. As I move through this journey I am constantly discovering that once again I need to be open about one more thing. That is never easy but it is necessary for my own growth. So today I’m peeling back yet another layer and revealing more truth.

I was married to a narcissist for nearly 25 years. I always knew that he was controlling and manipulative. Recently my new therapist put a label on it and everything started to make sense. Previous therapist never addressed it as such. Finally I could gain more of an understanding for what I had been through. Understanding paves the way for more healing.

Recently I was asked to be a guest speaker for an event in January. I was so excited knowing that it will elevate the work that I do. However I had a reality check when I received the promotional ad. There I was with Emotional Abuse Survivor under my name and picture. Me. Suddenly it hit me that I will be revealing another aspect of my life that I have kept in secrecy. I struggled to come to terms with that. Yes I am now acknowledging that I WAS EMOTIONALLY ABUSED. I am speaking at an Abuse Symposium.

I’m not exactly sure why a person who has been abused feels the need to carry the shame. We suffer in silence for a very long time. I believe it’s because we don’t want to be judged anymore than we have been judged by our spouses and most importantly ourselves. We don’t want to hear that we should have left because that is never easy. And we certainly don’t want to be treated like we are weak. One thing I know for sure is that you are extremely strong to survive any type of abuse.

Before I step onto that platform to share my story, I had to be honest with myself. I can not fully help another person if I do not address all of my traumas. By telling my story, I can release the shame that I have held closely. My value is not tied to the bad deeds of another person. Yet it is linked to who I am authentically in every way. I am a woman who has not only survived emotional abuse but one who fought passed every fear and reclaimed her life. Most importantly I did the work to find out just how I got there. Every day is a struggle to live in peace.

So today I am releasing it all. No longer will I hide behind a wall of secrecy and shame. It hinders the process of recovery and the ability to help others. To fly high you need to be free. I encourage you to shed any shame that has plagued you. It is a false shield of protection that will keep you entangled. It’s time to let it all go. I’m ready.

Regina H