You Have To Move On Too
One of the hardest things that can happen after divorce is when your ex moves on, especially if they moved on first and fast. Seeing someone else with the ex you loved or still love is painful and can make it difficult for you to press on after the divorce.
When it happens, you often find yourself missing them, thinking about them almost daily and thinking about the good times you shared with them.
On the other hand, you might have mixed feelings or hate to see your ex appear happy when you are yet to get over them. Initially, these feelings might be a little hard to take and you might be tempted to take action when you discover that your ex is falling for someone else.
As tempting as some reactions may be, you must resist the urge to take such actions. Below are a few common things you should resist the urge to do when your ex moves on first or fast.
Don't Second-Guess Yourself or your decision. Get down to making your life better!
When a relationship ends, it’s common for one of the parties to wonder if it was the right decision. Don’t allow yourself to get sucked into that way of thinking after your ex has decided to continue their life.
After divorce, time for second-guessing or reconsidering has passed. Allow yourself time to deal with the relationship's ending and grieve that your ex has moved on quickly. By doing so, you can begin the process of progressing and being happy.
Don't Contact Your Ex After They've Moved On
If you were about to start afresh before this happened, take a moment to think before you reach out to your ex. Is there any real reason you need to get in touch with the person who has already found a way of progressing with their life?
Reaching out could open old wounds. It could be seen as trying to ruin their new relationship. This could start drama not only with you and your ex but also with you and the person your ex is currently in a relationship with. Instead, surround yourself with trusted friends who will help you have a firm stand and progress in life.
Avoid Taking Vengeance Because Your Ex Moved On
When a person feels hurt or abandoned, it is very easy to want to lash out at the person who caused those feelings, especially if you feel that person has forgotten about you too quickly. However, doing so is not beneficial to your mental health.
Revenge can quickly take a lot out of a person. It consumes thoughts and actions and steals happiness and time that could have otherwise been spent productively. You should know that the person taking vengeance is usually the one who has not moved on yet or finding it difficult to do so.
Avoid Sending “Accidental” Messages
Missing someone is normal, even after a bad or fast breakup. Especially, someone you share good memories with. However, subjecting yourself to more rejection from your ex, who has already started a new life is not the way to begin healing.
Sending “accidental” texts can mean setting yourself up to be hurt even more. Also, if communication is unwanted, it can be grounds for being accused of harassment. The best thing you can do in this situation is to avoid contact, and try to move on, just like your ex.
Never Try To Interfere With Their New Relationship
No matter what, stay out of your ex's new relationship and deal with your feelings privately. As hard as it is, it's not your business whether your ex has started a new life quickly or not. If your ex was abusive in any way or if they have a history of using people, it is no longer your problem, and you should do your best to keep moving too.
Of course, you don't want to see someone else hurt. However, stop and think about it for just a second. If someone with such a biased perspective had told you that your ex was a bad person (before they were your ex), would you have believed them? Probably not.
When a person tries to interfere with an ex's new relationship, it makes others think they are desperate, toxic, or vindictive. These are not labels you want to have attached to you. They will keep you stranded. And they certainly won't help you heal from the breakup.
Let The Healing Begin Quickly
It's understandable that after a breakup, starting a new life on your own is challenging. The truth is, no one can tell you when "moving on" happens. While forcing yourself to move on quickly can cause more stress, it is important to take steps that lead you to learn to live without your ex as part of your day-to-day life.
Getting to know yourself again and addressing your emotions will help you become a healthier, happier person. Here are a few things you can do for yourself.
Face Your Grief Fast
If your relationship meant anything at all, you would likely experience some form of grief. It's alright to feel sad. In fact, it's normal. You may find that keeping a journal will help you release some of your emotions regarding how your ex has already started a new chapter without you.
Seeking counseling may also be a great way to talk to someone else about starting afresh and get some insight on how to handle the emotions you are experiencing.
Let Your Feelings About How Your Ex Has Moved On Flow Freely
Often, emotions trigger fast physical responses in the body. For example, fear or anxiety may cause you to breathe quickly or have a fast heart rate. This is your body's way of maintaining balance while dealing with physical and emotional changes. When you begin to experience these feelings, pay attention. Stay focused on whatever you are doing and try not to focus on the negativity. Take some slow, deep breaths and relax. If you feel like crying, cry. Whatever you do, don't ignore your feelings. Dealing with them is a major part of healing.
One Day At A Time To Eventually Move On
Your ex may seem like this happy person who easily started a new relationship and never missed you, but it doesn't mean you don't need more time. We all deal with situations differently. Don't be too hard on yourself. Take it one day at a time. Set goals, short-term and long-term. Visit friends and plan times to have dinner or time with others. Remember to live for yourself!
Joseph Abdalla