Divorce and Your Kids

Divorce is such a tough decision when you have kids. I believe that many of us procrastinate because we fear for the impact on our kids. No one ever wants to hurt their kids but we have no idea of how our broken marriage is already effecting them. At some point we move ahead with the divorce hoping that we can minimize the damage. Hopefully you have a coparent that will work with you to give the kids what they need.

As many of us discovered the news of the impending divorce had a huge impact on our kids which is so heartbreaking. You can not help but to doubt your decision. I had to look at two paths and decide which one would be better for everyone going forward. It was very clear to me that I needed to sacrifice an era of pain for a lifetime of peace.

Kids respond in different ways. Some will understand and get through it quite easily. That is the best case scenario. Make sure to check in with them and give them lots of love and support. There are some that will need a little guidance and it’s great to keep the lines of communication open. Remember to check in with them often. They aren’t quite aware of their feelings yet and can shutdown. Staying alert can help you head off the challenges that arise.

The worst situation to encounter is the kid who gets so angry and takes it out on everyone. You spend so much of your energy trying to help them through it but it will exhaust you thoroughly. As hard as it will be, do not take it as a personal attack. It will have you second guessing your decision. That is when you have to bring in help. A therapist can help them to express all of those bottled up emotions in healthy ways. The skills that they acquire will carry them through life. You can begin to heal and move forward with the necessary guidance.

I have spoken with many adults who vividly remember how their parent’s divorce still sits with them. So we know that it can have lasting effects. Try to be cognizant of the fact that they too are grappling with the divorce and need reassurance. When it becomes too stressful, turn to a therapist who specializes in children specifically with divorce. You do not have to fight this battle alone. The goal should be for everyone to make the transition as smoothly as possible. We have many years ahead of us that should be filled with beautiful moments.

Regina H