Domestic Violence Statistics show that “Over 1 in 3 women (35.6%) and 1 in 4 men (28.5%) in the US have experienced rape, physical violence, and/or stalking by an intimate partner in their lifetime.” (Source)

As we are coming into 2025, it seems these numbers are always high in the US. Will it ever get better? And most importantly—will you get better? 

I am here to tell you that not only can you get free from intimate partner violence, but you can also heal from it. You can go on to lead a healthy, “normal” life where loving yourself doesn’t feel foreign. You can have healthy relationships with yourself and others. But it begins with a whole lot of getting real with yourself.

Today at Alimonia Life, I’m sharing a little of my story as a domestic violence survivor, some of the alarming statistics on domestic abuse, and how knowing the cold hard truth about partner violence is sobering but only the beginning. You can heal, and I am proof of that. You do not have to feel alone in this anymore!

What Is Domestic Abuse? 

The terms domestic abuse, domestic violence, and intimate partner violence are all three used interchangeably, though there is a bit of nuance to the phrases. 

Domestic abuse refers to abuse (violence or otherwise) suffered at the hands of a partner with whom you cohabitate. While implied as an intimate or romantic partner, it could also be a family member or friend. Domestic abuse comes in many forms and not all of them are physically violent, but that’s not to say other forms of abuse are any more or less “damaging” than violent acts of abuse.

Key element of domestic abuse: One person exerts power and control over the other, often in a painful, stifling, or damaging manner to their self-esteem or person.

• Coercive control & intimidation

• Financial abuse

• Emotional abuse

• Sexual abuse

• Physical abuse

• Religious or spiritual abuse

• Verbal abuse

• Harassment or stalking

• Digital or online abuse

Note: Children, family members, or other persons living in the home are also subject to psychological damage, even if they are not the direct target of the abuse. Children who grow up in abusive homes often repeat the patterns of behavior in some way, and are made more vulnerable to behavioral issues & addictive behaviors.

In other words…leaving your abusive partner may protect your children more than trying to keep your marriage intact! I wish I’d known the psychological impact on my own children during those”make it work” years!

What Is Intimate Partner Violence?

This phrase is used more loosely to include abusive patterns of behavior from a person with whom you are in an intimate or romantic relationship. You do not have to be living with them or married to them for this pattern of abuse to significantly impact how you feel about yourself and how you go about your life.

What Is Domestic Violence? 

That list of types of partner violence and abuse also applies to the more widely used term domestic violence, which is abuse that often includes physical violence from a live-in partner, romantic or otherwise, often a marital partner.

The Department of Justice (The Office on Violence Against Women) defines domestic violence as: “Domestic violence can be physical, sexual, emotional, economic, psychological, or technological actions or threats of actions or other patterns of coercive behavior that influence another person within an intimate partner relationship.”

The United Nations defines domestic violence as “a pattern of behavior in any relationship that is used to gain or maintain power and control over an intimate partner”.

No matter what words we use to describe the situation, it’s often hard to accept the reality. We want to feel loved. We want to be forgiving and hopeful. We are afraid of the unknown. We do not believe we can break free of partner violence, or that we deserve it.

It’s a very complex emotional dynamic for all involved. Further, it often causes more than the pain of the behaviors. It also causes shame, physical and emotional distress, and sometimes health problems. Plus, there’s a lot of shame in getting yourself wrapped up in a broken, abusive marriage.

It Does NOT Matter How it Started!

Set aside any guilt for a moment and remember that anyone, and I mean anyone, can get drawn into these damaging relationships. Anyone. This is not a reflection of your intelligence, worth, or beauty. What matters now is getting your heart, mind, and body to safety—and working on healing. 

The Domestic Violence Hotline is a great resource to use, and if you are in immediate danger, call 911 in the United States.

Domestic Violence Hotline 

The Domestic Violence Hotline is on the frontlines with you. When you need help the most, this non-profit is packed with resources to help you get out of the chaos and get started on healing from the abuse you’ve suffered. 

Call 1.800.799.SAFE (7233)

Text "START" to 88788

Or visit the website (on a secret/Incognito browser tab): Domestic Violence Hotline Website

Terrifying Domestic Abuse Statistics

According to 2024 data, Domestic Violence is still on the rise, especially since a spike following the pandemic. 

WHO – “globally about 1 in 3 (30%) of women worldwide have been subjected to either physical and/or sexual intimate partner violence or non-partner sexual violence in their lifetime”. The NISVS  reports 1 in 2 women and 2 in 5 men.

Take a look at this Domestic Violence Statistics for 2024 infographic produced by Joslyn Law Firm.

Changing the Cycle of Domestic Abuse

Fleeing domestic violence isn’t about your faith. (Yes, I said it.) I “turned the other cheek” and forgave my abuser for a decade. And as humbling as that was for me—it did absolutely nothing for my family except perpetuate a cycle of abuse. Until I realized one day that the God I love would not want that for me. I learned that because I stayed–I was doing MY part to continue the cycle.

And that wasn’t healthy for anyone.

I’m probably a lot like you. The relationship starts out pretty great, right? Then bit by bit parts of you are diminished, damaged, or bullied away. By the end of my marriage, I was nearly unrecognizable to myself. I was angry. I cried all the time. I barely slept. I starved myself.  

Domestic violence, in my opinion, can be defined as trauma, trauma, trauma. Some days there was so much trauma to unpack…then more the next day! You can’t catch a break or a breath. Your brain is constantly trying to figure out what the hell is happening.

I was a complete mess by the time I finally broke free and got to safety. And then, it took me som years to find my footing.

I am not the same person I was before it all happened.

I have been away from it for twenty-two years now. I still have PTSD, but overall I am healthy. I am confident in the talented woman I am. I feel good about my life and live in deep gratitude each day. But it’s taken a lot of work.

➡️ Map out your exit strategy (safety plan) and get support pieces in place. 

➡️ Get to safety.

➡️ Everything else will fall into place. I promise. People will show up in your life. Prayers will be answered. You’ll keep putting one foot in front of the other, braver than you ever believed yourself to be.

What I Did to Heal from Domestic Violence

Healing from domestic violence is a little different for everyone and there’s no particular amount of time it takes. Perhaps sharing what’s helped me heal from domestic abuse will help you:

1. I began to focus more on my own mental health—rather than on trying to help or heal others. This also included owning my part for shaping that cycle of violence. It also involved adopting a survivor mentality rather than a victim mentality. (This took the longest for me to do on my healing journey.) And, I began working on my self-esteem and making healthier lifestyle choices for myself.

2. I turned to nature. I find nature the most healing. Mindfulness in connection to the physical world helps me to feel grounded, safe, and nurtured in a way that I simply do not find in other humans.

3. I got a dog. My dog has provided a sense of security and anchors me when my sensory sensitivities reach uncomfortable heights.

4. I learned about my own psychology—I unpacked a lot of childhood trauma and began trying to understand my own vulnerabilities.

5. I began writing and journaling. I penned three poetry books, wrote thousands of blogs, and ended up becoming a professional writer. When my first book, Organic, hit the Best Sellers list on Amazon—my self-esteem flourished! This creative journey has been cathartic, healing, and empowering.

6. Lastly, I stopped taking crap from people. I stopped excusing their bad behavior or their inability to honor my boundaries.

Healing from intimate partner violence is largely a mental health journey. Think of your mental health as a garden—you reap the benefits of all the hard work and nurturing you put into it. It’s never too late to start.

And you, my friend, are WORTH IT.

For more support for breaking out of your violent marriage, healing, and getting on with life after domestic abuse: 

Getting Divorce Support 
Legal Aid  

Therapy for Domestic Abuse Survivors
Alimonia Life support network

*Disclaimer: Here at Alimonialife, we are not medical or legal professionals, but divorcees who have ‘been there.’ We share our experiences and research with you but defer to medical professionals for diagnosis or treatment, and legal professionals for legal advice.

Christina M. Ward