If you have kids and are divorcing/divorced then you know all too well the stress that holidays can present. As a couple you made plans for the holiday and everything worked out. Now that you have two households the planning becomes a bit tricky. If you consider the best interest of everyone involved you can come to a peaceful resolution. It does not have to be stressful.

Our first Thanksgiving and Christmas came with a challenge. We had discussed a plan that would work for everyone which included Thanksgiving at my house and Christmas at his house. Then I got a call from a cousin who wanted to visit me for Christmas in my new home. Right away I knew that this would cause a huge conflict because my ex is a stickler for schedules. I waited until I knew the visit was set in stone before I told him.

At first he was fine with the change of plans and then the next day I got that dreaded call. He was irrational and insisted that my guests come after the holidays. I just sat quietly while he went on a tirade. You can not have a productive conversation with someone who is in that space. I was very upset. I called a friend to discuss the situation. She said he was being unreasonable. What I knew for sure was that I was not going to back down.

The next morning my ex texted me and asked for me to call him when I was free. I decided to workout first. I called him later. Right away he apologized for his behavior. He recognized that the kids would love to see their cousins. He said that we could redo the holiday schedule to accommodate my family’s visit. I was in shock. This was a completely different person than the one who berated me the night before. I was grateful that I did not initially react to the way I was feeling.

Given some time my ex corrected himself. I didn’t have to tear into him and have a heated battle. I understand that it’s not the case for everyone but do what you can to minimize the stress. We ended up having an amazing holiday season that worked out well. He joined us on Christmas Day. We have learned to be flexible with each other for holidays and vacations. He took the kids to visit his family for the 4th of July and I had some downtime. It was a rough road to get here but we never gave up trying to work it out.

Regina H