Being on the other side of divorce has allowed me to get acquainted with my softer side. Four years ago I was angry and I had developed a hard edge. It was so important for me to shed that because it is not who I wanted to be. It had become a protection mechanism but I don’t want to live there anymore.

I’ve learned how to express anger under control. I can recognize the signs before they spike into rage. That is when you can go further than you need to and it takes time to come back. Anger is a natural emotional response. We have to learn how to channel it in the right way. Use your anger to fuel your passions. When you have the end goal in mind you can act responsibly.

I have learned how to release people who thrive on strife. Divorce has certainly taught me that you cannot fix anyone. Your focus has to be on your own healing and therefore everyone else has to do the same. When you reach a point with people where the contention becomes too much, let them go. It gives way to peace and makes room for good connections.

At the end of a marriage, it is war and the words thrown your way you can have a lasting effect. Those words and actions can cut right into your heart and mind. If you don’t heal those painful wounds, they can continue to do damage. It’s harmful not only to you but to those you come in contact with. I learned to speak the truth to those lies to set myself free.

I will no longer struggle to be seen or heard. I cannot fight for space. What I will do is operate in a zone that I create and maintain for myself. We don’t need to force situations to fit. Get comfortable in your own lane and everything that is for you will meet you there. I wish I figured that out a long time ago.

It takes some time to balance yourself. While you no longer wish to be stone cold, you don’t want to be a pushover either. So you have to be able to assess each set of circumstances so that you can respond in the best way possible. That requires you to know yourself and where you are headed. At the end of the day I wanted to lay down the weapons of war and be at peace. It’s the softer side of life that is much more enjoyable. Now I’m looking forward to a peaceful existence but when the need arises, she can switch back into protection mode. It won’t take long to soften up again because that’s where I reside.

Regina H