Google and Merriam Webster define SELF PRESERVATION as

1. Preservation of oneself from destruction or harm.

2. A natural instinctive tendency to act so as to preserve one's own existence.

 My wonderful grandfather constantly reminded us that self-preservation was the first law of nature. Joseph Johnson was a loving and kind man. He and my grandmother were a beautiful and magical power couple in my eyes. Together they raised five children and cared for a load of us grandchildren while our parents worked. They made us believe that if we followed in their footsteps of love and respect, we could possibly have what they had. NOT! My mom said that her dad would always recite his special message to them regarding protecting themselves.  He was compelled to repeat it to the grandchildren, especially the girls. For the longest time I had no clue what he was talking about, what it meant and how powerful those words would ring true later in my life.

Almost ten years ago my husband came to me out of the blue to announce that he had been dating, I had been replaced for someone better and he was leaving me and the children. He appeared very proud to finally get that off his chest, while it left me dazed and confused. I was waiting for him to say, April Fools but it was the month of October. My mind was spinning while I was trying to make since of what just happened. What did I do wrong and or what did I miss? I was totally devastated because I considered my husband my best friend. At the time I was a housewife and I didn't have any friends because he moved us about two hours away from everyone we knew.

Now as bad as all of that was, in the midst of me praying like I had never prayed before, God reminded me of my grandfather's saying. Self- preservation became real clear to me in that moment. I had to prepare myself emotionally and spiritually for what I didn’t know I was about to endure. Most of the time we don't realize how we sabotage our own peace to make others happy. I had to reprogram my way of thinking and remember the first law of nature that my grandfather spoke so much of. Self- preservation was no longer just a saying it is a life style where you are accountable for yourself and your own happiness. You may have to dig deep within when you go through something hurtful or traumatizing but with determination and perseverance you will be able to see colors brighter and more brilliantly. 

To expound, self- preservation is different for everyone as far as your survival skills. When I was going through the journey of my divorce, I had to wake up and make many decisions. I felt like I was in a fight for my life while trying to protect my children. Some people tend to develop vices to cope with life, like drugs, alcohol, sex, etc. but I would not allow myself to develop a bad habit, my children were watching. In order for me to survive, I had to exercise self- preservation which was my religion, my children and the desire to not let my ex-husband win. All of those things got me up and motivated. I had to learn how to ask for help and ended up being on welfare for a limited time.  I also went to counseling. Eventually I was able to find a job that I enjoy. I even started working out which helped me so much with of my depression.  The work that I put in was well worth it. At the end of the day, how will you use self- preservation to survive when you need to?

Song: Gloria Gaynor, I Will Survive

Stay Positive and Much Love

Tamara Massalay

When I started Alimonia Life I was unsure of the direction, I just knew that I wanted to
create a safe space for anyone who found themselves on the road to divorce.
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