You come home from work to the biggest shock of your life. Your ex has packed up everything and left you. The cozy couch is gone. Their dresser drawers is empty. Even the rose bush you planted together last anniversary has been dug out of the front yard.

• My ex left me like I was nothing?

• My ex took everything?

It’s almost too much to bear. The reality is that your ex is unequivocally done with you. Your head spins with questions:

• How could this have happened?

• Why would my partner just leave me like this?

• What am I going to do?

Here at Alimonialife, we have all been right where you are. We are real people with real stories of marital strife, divorce, and painful breakups. And while you’re hurting right now, we’re here to support you as you embark on your healing journey.

So, let’s put our heads together and get you a game plan for what to do now that your ex has left you with nothing. (Step one: Don’t panic.)

Facing the Shock that Your Ex Is DONE

There are a great many reasons why your partner decided to break up with you. Better Help cites infidelity, fading feelings, loss of trust, and unproductive fighting among the top reasons. But when your partner packs up their things, some of your things, and simply vanishes that this is a clear indication that they are completely done with the relationship.

And they want a clean break. 

Ruminating on the why of things will be your first hurdle. Answering some of your questions will take time and healing, both of which will shed new perspectives. It may even take years of hard internal work, patient grieving, and possibly working with a therapist. 

For now, there’s a crisis to tend to. So set aside that bottle of wine and let’s get to work.

How do you know when your ex is truly done with you?

From my experience, once a person packs up all the stuff and physically moves it from one location to a new home this is a “nail in the coffin” event. I’ve been that person who left without saying goodbye. And I’ve come home to see a bag packed on the bed. 

When this happens, one partner is clearly indicating they are completely done with the relationship, or they are not interested in the hard work of reconciliation. 

It’s best to look forward. It’s time to focus on what you need from yourself.

Read one woman’s story: My Ex Is Dating and…..

What to do when your ex steals your stuff

Research your state to find out if you live in a “community property” or an “equitable distribution” state. This affects how marital assets are divided by the court following a divorce. Contact a lawyer in your area with a list of all the items your ex took when they left.

Restoring your belongings may be a long drawn-out process, but the more detailed and organized your information, the better. Gather documentation to show ownership of who owned, bought, and paid for each item.  

If you were not married, consider making a police report to report your items stolen. Again, proof of ownership can help. 

Oh, and change your locks. Let your landlord know what’s going on. You deserve to feel safe in your home.

How Do I Get Over Being Left? 

Being “left” can leave you in emotional turmoil and produce symptoms like PTSD or depression. If you are facing life-altering pain and need extra support, reach out to your local doctor, support groups, or find a therapist online or local to you. 

If you need it call or text 988 for the National Suicide Hotline Designation Act’s three-digit number (988) to assist people experiencing a mental health or suicidal crisis. 

Medical intervention aside, this will surely be a season of meaningful pain. I say with the wisdom of hindsight looking back at the years of pain I’ve had, breakups I’ve survived (when I thought I might not), and times when a live-in partner or spouse left a giant blank space in my house. 

My advice: If you’re going to be in pain anyway, make it matter.

Ready your support systems, your best self-care plan, and be patient with yourself. Psych Central reminds us that when your ex suddenly leaves, you’re  “not doomed to live in a perpetual state of bewilderment and grief.”

How to emotionally recover when your ex moves on too fast

Here’s a round up of tips to help you begin the healing you need to do. Take from this what resonates with you:

• Try not to obsess over your ex’s actions or social media.
  
  

• They took everything so don’t give them control over your healing time too.
  
  

• Feel your pain but do not be overwhelmed by it.
  
  

• Take care of your body and mind so you can heal.
  
  

• Focus on the things you can manage.
  
  

• Deprioritize anything over which you have no control.
  
  

• Express your pain through creativity.
  
  

• Focus on reorganizing your life and schedule, home, time (etc.) to be more self-focused.

Related content: Strength Is Knowing When You Are Weak

Moving On with Dignity When Your Ex Leaves

Keep your head up. Though this is a difficult time for you, healing begins right now. 

• Fact: My ex left? My ex took everything? So what. It hurts, but I WILL BE OK!

• Fact: I can’t control anyone’s behavior or emotional healing but my own.

• Fact: Time + intentional, meaningful grief does heal emotional pain. 

• Fact: I will get through this.
  
  

Give yourself the permission you need to take your focus off your ex’s wrongdoings and focus on your own healing work. From our heart to yours, we are sorry for the pain and shock you are feeling right now. 

Stay Connected: Join further discussions on the blog for Alimonialife, where we cover topics like What to Do When Your Ex Won’t Co-Parent, personal divorce stories, and helpful resources to help you stay strong. 

Christina M Ward

*Disclaimer: Here at Alimonialife, we are not medical professionals, but divorcees who have ‘been there.’ We share our experiences and our research with you but defer to medical professionals for diagnosis or treatment.