Your journal is really hearing it these days. It seems every journal entry begins with “My ex is causing me anxiety” or “Guess what? My ex is dating my friend.” 

Stop penning “my ex” posts, about them dating again, or doing whatever, and begin journaling about your own journey. Contrary to how you may feel about your ex dating again, this is about your journey. Your healing. And your ability to sever the emotional stranglehold your ex has on your life. 

Today, we’re talking about some tough stuff:

• My ex is dating again.

• My ex’s dating life is causing me drama.

• I can’t stop obsessing over my ex and his new boyfriend/girlfriend.

• How can I just forget my ex and move on?

We are Alimonialife. Bloggers and a support system for people just like you – going through, been through, or facing divorce. We cover divorce topics that can help you navigate this difficult time and come out on top – healed, happy, and ready to live your life to the fullest. 

My Ex Is Dating Again

When your previous spouse takes the plunge to start dating again, it can affect even the most healed and stoic people. Even if you feel you’ve moved all-the-way-on, it’s a jolt to the heart to see someone who was your everything with all the excitement in their eyes for discovering new lust, love, or adventure.

You might also be facing the drama your ex is causing. Everyone chimes in with their opinion on the new what’s-her-face, and you may be watching the whole thing play out on your socials. 

Why is your ex still on your socials? Pause this reading, go delete them and their new person, and get back here to begin your true healing. You don’t need to know what’s going on with your ex. You can’t really move all-the-way-on when a part of your soul is giving them rent-free space in your life.

Taking Actionable Steps to Handle Your Ex’s Dating

So what – your ex is dating again. They are someone else’s disappointment now. Not yours. Remember your why you got divorced list. If you don’t have one, make it. In fact, use some of that journal space to make several heart-healing lists:

✍🏽 WHY I GOT DIVORCED

✍🏽 HOW I CHOOSE MYSELF EVERY DAY

✍🏽 ACTIONABLE STEPS TO HEAL MYSELF

✍🏽 ABUNDANCE THAT’S COMING MY WAY

✍🏽 WAYS I AM GRATEFUL TO BE FREE 

✍🏽 MY SELF-CARE PLAN FOR RE-CLAIMING MY ENERGY

It’s time to evict your ex from your mind’s safe space, where you will be doing a lot of self-love, self-care, and healing work. It’s easier to do this work if you get your ex out of there. Further, you can’t give space to the new person or persons your ex is pursuing. That’s not your business.

Say it aloud, write it in your journal, use it as a mantra:

My ex’s dating life is not my business. My healing journey deserves my full attention.

My Ex Is Causing Drama in My Life

Something else that deserves your attention is your life. 

Your work, your children and family, your circle of friends, your hobbies and professional pursuits. Every moment of drama from your ex is a hindrance to all the plans you have for your life and your time. It’s a time-suck. And it depletes your emotional energy. Another mantra to add to your repertoire:

I choose where and to whom I allocate my energy. (Time, emotional space, trust, etc.)

What Is ‘Drama’?

When we say “drama” we aren’t speaking of the Shakespearean type. We mean the real-life behavioral garbage, the over-blown emotional reactions (often by people hardly involved), and the social sensationalism of the details of your personal life. The leakage of your personal life over into spaces where it doesn’t belong, like your job. 

Newsflash: This is your life. There are actionable things you can do to make things better for yourself – keeping your own nose out of the drama and to your own life’s path. When the effects of drama and your ex’s dating life steal your time and emotional energy, it can have real effects on your health and life.

Effects of Drama

• Raised stress

• Emotional distress

• Difficulty concentrating

• Difficulty sleeping

• Raised blood pressure

Types of Ex-Drama

Every situation is different, but an ex causing drama with their new dating habits is something largely out of your control. Here are a few common situations and what you can do to protect yourself.

My Ex Is Trying to Ruin My Life with Drama

Generally speaking, your ex may be on a warpath to ruin you by intentionally creating drama on social media, at your home or workplace, or within your circle of family and friends. They may act out revealing personal details (true or false), trying to embarrass you, hurt you, or interfere in your relationships with family and friends.

Personal Account: Years ago I remember crying to my mother. I was going through a divorce and my ex was creating all kinds of problems in my life. He was calling and showing up at my place of work, driving by my home, and worse. He was telling everyone that I was having an affair, which wasn’t true. My mother said these words to me that I will never forget: Consider the source and put it in its place.

People say and do stupid things when they are upset. They aren’t embarrassing you, but themselves. In the meantime, do not fan those flames or escalate the situation. They cannot have power over your mind or emotions unless you permit them.

Delete, block, ignore.

The right people to be in your journey moving forward will show that they have your best interests at heart. Instead of reveling in the drama, they will be more concerned about your health and welfare. Even though the words you are hearing are hurtful, people will eventually recognize that your ex is behaving from a place of pain. Like you, they will decipher what to believe and what not to believe. Let your character speak for you.

My Ex Causing Drama Made Me Lose… 

One quick word on this. If your ex is causing enough problems that you might lose your job, your children, or something important to you, there are legal measures you can take to protect your property and your career.

Check with a lawyer and the laws in your state to see if you have a legal case or if there are measures you can legally take to protect yourself, your finances, and your privacy.  

My Ex Is Dating Someone New 

The mere fact that your ex is out there on dating apps and spending time with other people can be painful. Especially if you are not yet ready to date again.

When the pain (and sometimes obsession over it) hits, it’s helpful to remember the bigger picture – that we are all in charge of our own journey, our own choices, and our own social behaviors. You cannot make these decisions for your ex, but you can decide how you will respond to it, and how much mental and emotional energy you give it.

My Ex Is Dating My Friend

It happens, and it’s painful. In fact, this one might deserve an angry journal entry. The drama hits hard when your social circles overlap and the betrayal is out there for everyone to see. Just keep your head up. Every time you feel that pain and betrayal, check off another box on your “HOW I CHOOSE MYSELF EVERY DAY” and “MY SELF-CARE PLAN FOR RE-CLAIMING MY ENERGY” lists. 

How Do I Accept My Ex Is Dating?

There’s no real easy answer for this, only that acceptance takes intention, backed up by the emotional and therapeutic work you need to support it. Set strong boundaries to protect your time, energy, and everything you are working hard to build in your life. It’s not easy exorcizing someone you loved (love?) from your head, but it is necessary to prevent further pain. You can’t heal and look forward if you are dragging this emotional weight around with you. 

It’s time to change your journal entry from “my ex is dating again” to “today was a good day on my healing journey” or “I am so proud of myself for all I am enduring to create a better life for myself…”

Keep going. You’ve got this.

Christina M. Ward