I think if I had to sum up my past relationships, the complaint or feedback I would get most was that I'm too nice.  It always irritated me and I often felt dumbfounded by the idea that being too nice was somehow a fault. Well I can say there is a lot of grey area in this idea of nice and there is some fault in it, when it comes to boundaries and compassion for sure.

Boundaries –

 Such an easy thing to get confused.  The line between being compassionate to someone and having strong boundaries with someone who abuses your kindness.  The nice guy in me wants to forgive and forget and not cause conflict.  I created this idea of myself as “easy going” as sort of a super power.  I could handle high conflict and not get caught up emotionally or at least appear to. Cool, calm and collected.  I also created this idea that I could help people who had emotional issues since I was cool, calm and collected.  It was easy to look past mistakes and bury red flags that I saw.  I just saw their issues as if it was a problem they had to overcome from their history and I looked for the positive in them. I didn't have clear boundaries when it came to sacrificing myself to other people’s will.  To be clear there was too much forgiving and forgetting and not enough putting my foot down and standing up for myself. 

Compassion -

proven over and over again) that I decided to insist on strong boundaries between her and my kids.  Difficult.  It was probably the hardest thing I ever had to do and it was born out of compassion to myself and my children.  Life is messy and I truly know the value of strong boundaries, standing up for yourself, and having compassion for yourself as a prerequisite to being compassionate to others. 

I think the key takeaway was that I wasn't thinking about myself and what I needed.  I felt that strong boundaries caused too much conflict that I didn't want in my life.  So it was easier to let things go, than to stand in stressful conflict.  The stressful conflict is an act of love for yourself and others though and it's needed.   Life is much more peaceful with strong boundaries and compassion for yourself first.  I wish I had this clarity before.

Let me know if you can relate.

Mr. Z

When I started Alimonia Life I was unsure of the direction, I just knew that I wanted to
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