My divorce broke me. It took me to the edge. Just before I lost everything, I realized that I gained more than I could ever lose. It freed me from a dead end situation. Never ever could I have imagined a life outside of my marriage. That just wasn’t a thought for me until I realized that I was not living. Merely existing. Some kind of fog that I had resigned myself to.

I have always been a free spirit and walked a different path. In high school I would go out of town with my friends for the weekend and my mom didn’t worry. I think she knew that I would be fine and that I would find a way to go anyway. I’m an adventurer by nature and I have always taken the fun route. My husband was drawn to my freewheeling ways. Somewhere down the road he struggled with that part of me. Maybe he knew that it was connected to my joy.

Ultimately it was my own actions that created the changes. I settled into a different version of myself. Over time it felt restrictive and uncomfortable. Quite foreign. I have no one to blame but myself. I take full responsibility for the shift.

Eventually I took a trip to New York with my friends. I have written about that experience. I was reignited. That is the best way for me to describe it. The feelings stayed with me and I could no longer suppress my desire for an exciting life. I attempted to spread my wings within the marriage. Then I came to the realization that the two could not peacefully exist.

Through counseling and self introspection I knew what I had to do. I had to break free to return to the person I was designed to be. This wasn’t about me abandoning my family. It was more about me being the person that my kids needed. Living in my authentic self allows me to show up for others. I am learning who I am at the core.

Since filing for divorce I have unleashed myself to soar. I hopped a red eye to New York and let loose. My cousin got a huge promotion during Covid, I masked up and flew down there for the weekend. When my uncle relocated to a neighboring state, the kids and I hit the road to welcome him. I’m so grateful that we went. A few months later he died from Covid. I renewed my passport and I’ve used it twice. I have taken my kids on weekend getaways. I took my extremely supportive friend on a road trip. When my cousins wanted to meet up in Vegas, I didn’t hesitate. When my kids went away with their dad, I booked myself at a coastal resort. Upon returning from a long day of travel from a remote area, I hit the highway for 2 hours to celebrate my bestie’s birthday. I am liberated.

I broke free to live. That choice did not  come without pain. I still have challenges. There is never a day that I regret my decision. The positive outshines anything else. I liken myself to a piece of mosaic artwork, broken pieces that come together so beautifully.

Regina H