I always believed that people who divorced didn’t try hard enough. Maybe they gave up too soon. Perhaps they went into marriage for the wrong reasons and it backfired on them. Though some of those reasons can be true, I still had all of these misconceptions about why people got divorced. That was because I had never been married and certainly not divorced. They say that you live and you learn and I know that to be true.

Marriage is a contract that people sign and often have no idea what they are getting into. It’s a partnership that should be give and take but often times one or both partners are only taking. Much like a bank account if you want to make a withdrawal you needed to make a deposit. Without deposits the account will become overdrawn. That is the last thing that you want to happen to your marriage. Unfortunately it seems to be the story for many.

My marriage was overdrawn. The account was absolutely empty. Too many expectations on me and not enough deposits. We are not designed to function on EMPTY. There has to be a balance and we had been out of balance for some time. Although I tried everything in my power to get us back on track, it was not enough. Your partner has to want to work with you to keep the balance. You can not do it alone.

When I realized that it took more than my effort, it released me. I could let go of the guilt associated with the responsibility to keep it all together. I didn’t need to worry about what people thought because the people who matter know the truth. Others will speculate about what happened. I can’t stop them and I’m fine with that. Their opinions are of no concern to me. I give myself permission to live and be free.

Life has an interesting way of putting you in a place that challenges what you believe. The realities are far different than I had imagined. Now that I have been there, I know that my misconceptions were so off base. I have a tremendous understanding of the grief and pain that comes before and with divorce. How things just aren’t so simple and how challenging it can be. I have so much more compassion for anyone who finds themselves on this road. Most importantly I learned that I had to extend compassion to myself to get through.

Ali M

When I started Alimonia Life I was unsure of the direction, I just knew that I wanted to
create a safe space for anyone who found themselves on the road to divorce.
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