Going through a divorce is such a traumatic time in a person’s life. It’s just not a place that anyone wants to be but here you are. Chances are you feel as if you have given it your all and it just was not enough. That is when you simply have to learn to release it. That is never easy.

We often get caught between what we once wanted and where we are headed. It’s a life that we no longer desire and a new life that we are fearful about. Change. It is the dreaded part of life. If you look back over your life, I’m sure you can think of several events that had you feeling like the world was coming to an end. Miraculously you survived and some part of that event shaped you into who you are today.  No one escapes the bumps and bruises of life but you can extract something of value and keep it in your pocket for another time. Those are lessons well learned. 

Toward the end of the marriage, we tend to be like a person on a mechanical bull. We are holding on for dear life and getting tossed all around. Romanticizing the broken relationship, choosing to only think of the good times. Feeling confused. In order to release it you will have to be honest with yourself about the reality of the relationship. It was not perfect. Your spouse was not perfect. You were not perfect. When you reach that point of truth you will be able to see how things unfolded. That is where healing and forgiveness can take place. 

Unfortunately, anger comes with the territory. It’s not a bad thing. How you respond to your anger can determine your ability to let go. Be angry. Get it all out in a healthy way. Unchecked, those feelings will turn into bitterness and become toxic. Ask yourself why you are angry, be truthful. Part of your frustration can be with yourself. The best thing you can do is answer those questions with honesty. To tell yourself anything else will keep in in a cycle of frustration. 

At some point we believe that our failing marriage is the best we can do and we resign ourselves to that trap. It can stay with you for a long time and move into other areas of your life. You were not created for failure. Yes, you can move beyond a bad experience and thrive. It’s all in how you perceive everything. Stop tearing yourself down because it did not work out. It takes two to make any relationship work. You can not control another person. We struggle with having control of ourselves at times. Release it. 

The best way to stay light and free is to process your experiences through the lens of truth. Having a heart of forgiveness for yourself and others is powerful. We are human, fallible and deserving of grace. 

Regina H