Help! My ex wants my money! I earned more than they did during the marriage…can my ex take my money? How can I protect my finances so my ex can’t take my money and live off of me after our divorce? 

If this is you, then you are already aware your divorce may be a little more complex, as all of those shared assets need to be settled, legally. And your own personal assets and income need to be protected so your ex can’t “take you to the cleaners,” so to speak. Furthermore, in the interests of keeping the peace or because you have guilt over the marriage or the divorce, you may be too agreeable during your divorce and sign away far too much of your financial standing to your ex. 

Today, we’re talking about how you can avoid financial strain or being financially victimized by your ex who has dollar signs in their eyes—more specifically, your hard earned green. 

Financial Preparation During Divorce

You do have some financial preparation to do, some financial advice to keep in mind, and some diligence to adhere to during the months (and possibly years) of your divorce. But don’t worry. Here at Alimonialife, we tackle tough topics like this and share with you our experiences on divorce-related topics, and share our research as well so you can get through your divorce with confidence and perhaps, feel less alone in that process. 

Note: We defer any financial advice you may read here to financial experts on the matter, of course, but you may be prompted here to remember some aspects of your financial preparedness that helps. 

Getting ready for the divorce takes time. But your diligent financial preparedness will help you to take stock of what’s yours and be prepared to answer questions about your finances.

Tips for Financial Preparedness for Divorce

Your divorce settlement will settle your shared assets and determine how all of your previously shared debts will be managed moving forward. It may also affect how your income could be allocated, partially, to your ex-spouse for post-divorce support. To keep things fair and to get the best financial deal possible, you’ll want to prepare yourself for the divorce proceedings. Here are some important things to consider.

Choose the best lawyer your money can buy.

Some lawyers have more experience with high-asset divorce cases. Vet the lawyers and don’t feel afraid to ask questions. You want a lawyer that is well-prepared to fight to protect your finances. (See also the section later on in this article about divorce ethics.)

Gather your financial documents. 

You should review the financial laws in your state regarding equitable distribution and asset division, as these can vary state to state. You’ll also want to prepare a folder of all your documentation so that you will be ready for any financial questions your lawyer, their lawyer, or the judge may have. 

Wells Fargo advises that you’ll need to ready your financial documents in order to be prepared for your divorce proceedings. We used their advice to contribute to this list.

• Gather documents that detail your assets, accounts and investments.

• Gather property documents, including homes, land, vehicles, and valuables. 

• Be prepared to show documentation of existing debts, credit card statements, bank statements, mortgages, and loans.

• Gather documentation demonstrating household expenses, shared debts, and any retirement accounts you may have: IRAs, 401k plans, pensions.

• Have handy your tax documents for the years of your marriage and thereafter.

Split Your Accounts.

• Stop using joint accounts that you and your partner shared. Open your own accounts to use and begin using those. 

• Change any pins and passwords to your accounts to which your partner has had previous access.

• Check the listed beneficiary on your existing accounts or policies.

• Discuss with your lawyer how to handle existing accounts that are shared. (What to do with the balances, etc.)

Document. Document. Document.

• Document any money you give to your ex during the divorce.

• Document any shared bills or debts that you manage during the divorce.

• Document, as well, any debts your ex-partner said they would pay and didn’t. These unpaid debts can be damaging to your financial standing.

• In addition to your documentation of literally everything financial, NerdWallet says that you may want to consider postponing any big financial decisions until after your divorce.

Protect Your Credit.

For the sake of protecting your own credit score, you may have to take over some payments that affect your good standing. Review your credit accounts and make sure these payments stay current, even if your ex had been previously making payments on those accounts. Remember: document these payments as you make them.

Protecting Your Finances During Divorce

Financial preparation for divorce is more than gathering paperwork. It’s also about gathering your strength for what can be a tumultuous legal battle. If you feel overwhelmed, fearful, or find that these financial worries are affecting your health, you’ll want to take care of your emotional health during this time. As a gentle reminder, it is not only ok, but advisable, to seek healthy emotional support during this time. 

Do not worry that seeing a therapist will hurt you during the divorce, no matter what your ex tries to tell you. While this may have been the case in decades past, you may find that keeping your mind and body healthy is far more appreciated in today’s society. Join a gym, find a support group, read our previous blogs, and yes, if you need it, talk to a professional. Your support system can help!

Why Is My Ex Asking Me for Money? | My Ex Wants My Money

A quick note here on a “greedy ex.” Your ex, if they are indeed experiencing much financial hardship without access to the money you were bringing into the marriage (and supporting their lifestyle), may ask you for money. While it’s hard to see them going through a tough time, you may need to shore up your resolve on this. Any money or assets they talk out of you affects your future. Consider the advice of your lawyer or financial advisors before you consider giving anything to your ex, and follow their advice. 

Financial Ethics During Divorce

A quick word on financial ethics, here. No one but you can decide how dirty you want to get your hands during the divorce proceedings, and much of this will have to do with the type of lawyer you choose to work with. You may be advised to hide assets, transfer money, or put things in other people’s names to keep your ex from having access to those assets.

A gentle reminder here: you are the one who has to live with yourself and your decisions after this divorce is “all said and done.” Regardless of your lawyer’s advice, or the advice of well-meaning friends and family, do only what you feel is right in your heart. 

Thanks for reading our blog topic for today on divorce and finances. We hope we have helped you to feel a little more confident and prepared to handle protecting your finances during divorce. If you were the breadwinner of the marriage, then you know it will be difficult to settle the finances in court. You know it will be a fight. But if you are prepared, if you know ahead of time what you are and are not willing to do, then you can make those financial decisions more confidently. 

Christina M Ward