I was unhappy in my marriage for many years. Recently I explored the reasons that I procrastinated and what I discovered is interesting. I know that this information will help me going forward. You have to know the reasons so that you won’t come down the same path again.

Growing up in a very religious family, I always felt that divorce was such a bad thing. I had not really seen a good marriage modeled before me so it’s only natural that this would all be confusing to me. It seemed to me that it was very bad for women to leave a marriage. The implication was that you were being selfish. Going after your own needs was a horrible thing to do. It’s a trap.

Another factor that came into play was the fact that I did not have a place to run to. There was no one who could take me in with my crew. If it were just me then that would have been easier to crash with someone but I have 3 kids. At the time I was building my business so going out and getting a place was not an option. Housing was a huge piece that I simply could not solve for at that time. It is not insurmountable.

That brings me to another challenge and it was definitely a financial decision. If taking care of yourself would be tough, then it is compounded by 3 more people. I just could not do that to my kids. I know that people do it everyday but something had to change first. I had to become financially stable and that would take some time. You can definitely use that as motivation rather than a deterrent.

What will people think? That was a huge one. Many people looked up to us as a model for marriage so how could I let them down? In actuality I was letting myself down I was living up to a standard that I thought other people expected of me. I am not the support beam for people ideologies regarding marriage. Ultimately it’s about the way I feel about the life that I am living. That was liberating.

The toughest realization that I came to was not wanting to leave my cushy lifestyle. Okay, I said it! I admit that I did not want to let go of the big beautiful facade that was propped up on toothpicks. It was fake. I was doing the song and dance yet I felt so empty inside. What I know in my heart is that I am so much more content away from the stuff that I thought really mattered. Nothing compares to sitting quietly in your home, enjoying the peace that you create and maintain.

Peace of mind is so underrated. I truly get that now since walking away from chaos. The fears that kept me captive were released by examining my life through the lens of authenticity. Then you can take one step at a time. When you decide to believe in yourself and your abilities you can do what is best for yourself. Suddenly everything that you used to prioritize takes a backseat to the new life that revitalizes you to the core

Regina H