I’ve been divorced for ten months now and it doesn’t seem like it’s been that long. Most days I am happy and adjusting well. I was the one who hit the eject button. With that being said it was still a difficult decision. I have worked hard for every ounce of happiness that I’ve experienced. I just don’t have time to be sad. Leaving would have been pointless if I was going to dwell on the past. I spent too much time and energy back there. 

Recently I had reconnected with several old friends. Some of them were unaware of the fact that I’m divorced due to the time that has passed since we last spoke. It has been great to catch up with them because we were very close at one point. As the conversations started, I knew that I was going to have to deliver the news. Then every time they go into sympathy, I find myself trying to stop them to let them know that I am doing so well. Then I follow the script and tell them about how I’m traveling and enjoying my life to the fullest. Even though that is true, those conversations can be taxing. 

I love the work that I do through Alimonia Life. I get to connect with some amazing people who like me are trying to heal and move on. It is one of my greatest joys. There is nothing like seeing people blossom through divorce and breakups. Every now and then I encounter someone whose story is similar to mine and I am able to empathize with what they are going through. I have learned that I can be triggered and that lets me know that I have areas that I still need to work on. That is when I take time to myself and do a deep dive. I don’t want to ignore open wounds. 

My conversations with old friends and the work that I do converged on me. I felt very emotional and I cried. It had been a long time since I felt this way. I talk about divorce all the time and I help others regularly. I was confused but I knew that I had to dig deeper. I discovered that it was exactly 2 years ago that I was in the trenches of the hardest period of my life. I had just filed for divorce and things were ugly. All of that revisited me. The way out of it was to realize that I am human, not made of steel despite what I tell myself. I had to break down and break through for healing. 

Part of the process of healing from divorce involves triggers and the opportunity for growth. They truly expose areas that we need to address. Do not give into the temptation to shut down when you get emotional. Emotions are a signal that something has happened. Sit and ask yourself why do I feel sad, angry or guilty. Think about what has transpired. Assess your interactions and determine what got you here. Once you pinpoint the triggers figure out why it happened. Then come up with a strategy for the next time you encounter them. That’s how we can move on successfully.

Regina H