Once in a while I will go to sleep with confusion on how to handle certain situations with my ex, because of past mistakes and sometimes I have dreams that clearly give me the answer.  The following is the situation and the dream. 

The situation:

My ex has court ordered supervised visitation with our children and is technically responsible for paying for the supervised visits in full.  However, she has asked me to pay for half of the visits because she can't afford it and it was my pleading with the court for court ordered supervised visits.  She argued it was in the best interest of the kids that I pay for half since she was unable to afford to pay the amount and the kids need to see her.  I struggled with the idea and I noticed the kids did have positive experiences with her on recent supervised visits.  My initial reaction was no and then changed my mind thinking “Well I can help her,  I can be the good guy and help her again to get through this and perhaps it is in the best interest of the kids.  Then I go to sleep and have this dream.

The dream

I am sitting in the audience of a play rehearsal and observing a few rows from the stage.

There is a casting director who calls out that she needs a few members from the audience to play knights.  She picks me and few other guys and I’m thinking “Oh ok well I wasn't thinking that I wanted to be in this play, I just wanted to watch, but ok let me show everybody I can be a good knight for the play”.

 I go to the stage and the casting director is immediately criticizing the other knights for their lack of knight qualities and asking them to change or sit down.  I notice that she hasn't criticized me yet and I'm feeling pretty good.  Then she turns to me and says I have the wrong shoes for a knight.  Bewildered, I remember I have a different pair shoes under my chair in the audience.  I go back and get the other pair of shoes and return.  The casting director looks at them and snaps at me angrily saying they are not right for the part.  I'm taken by surprise.  I react and say “you could have told me that in a different way, I didn't even want to be in your play anyway!”  I see her get sad and I walk off.

I wake up/analysis

I wake up realizing my ex is the casting director and that she is trying to draw me into her play again to be the good knight.  Trying to have boundaries with her is difficult because she's their mother and they need to have a positive relationship with her. When I think about it rationally, I just want my kids to have a healthy relationship with her and if I help her for the time being with some of the costs then it's for the kids benefit because they see her safely with a supervisor, so be it.  If I can do this without getting tied into her drama, then that's the goal.  However, I feel conflicted helping her at all considering the past and advice from others who know the situation. 

Takeaways:  Don't get tied up into a play you didn't want to be in the first place to show how good you are.  Recognize boundaries, but in reality look at what is in the best interest of kids.

MR Z  - (Let me know your thoughts on this)

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